Children arrive on our doorstep to the heart. When they look into our eyes, hope looks back at us. How we view children influences how they view themselves and the extent to which they can reach their potential in love and beyond. The seeds that we plant decide what will become of this budding light: flourishing and sprouting kindness and virtue, or on the opposite side of the continuum, languishing in despair (or somewhere in between).

Peace-activist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, brought simplicity to the human desire to receive, express and experience love. He explained, “When you love, you bring freedom to the person you love.” Yet, honouring children in a way in which they can ‘be’ without judgement or fear, requires the full expression of our loving presence.

The four pillars of love within the Buddhist tradition are initially cultivated towards the self, and then extended towards others and ultimately to all beings. Refining and expanding the qualities of compassion, loving kindness, equanimity and joy within our children, promotes positive virtues.

Children are overwhelmed by their experiences, often unable to process their feelings, conditioned to contract as a protection strategy. As adults, our fundamental needs remain, yet the capacity to process them is constricted by ongoing suffering. As guides to our children, we must confront this indivisible trauma with courage, as unprocessed emotional pain will cause further developmental challenges in future generations.

TNH’s message borrows from the natural world to express his conception of love, authenticity and beauty. “If you have suffered, it is only / because you have forgotten / you are a leaf, a flower.” Nature is the source, the medicine for our children.

His teaching of ‘interbeing’ reveals all realities as being interconnected, inseparable and interdependent, indicating “all in one, one in all.” The concept of ‘interbeing’ is sourced in The Buddha’s teaching of Dependent Origination, highlighting the unity and mutually dependent nature of all phenomena. Applying this to understanding children is the grounding practice of mindful awareness. Mindfulness invites “no being, only inter-being” to highlight that our reality is formed from an impermanent field.  It states in The Avataṃsaka Sūtra, “One world penetrates all worlds.” We are connected to our children as they are connected to us. Any separation felt is illusory, without substance.

We are pioneering a new consciousness here, a new Earth, to take collective responsibility in how we support each other, acting as guides, carers, and custodians of all children. Boundaries are important to allow safe unfolding, just like a flower may need sunlight, water and fertile soil in which to grow and thrive, it also needs pruning and space in which to be held. Children require similar conditions to flourish These conditions may be perceived as limitations, yet without appropriate structure, they may not reach their potential. 

Both self-awareness and self-esteem are developed by encouraging competence, virtuous actions and creativity. A skilful balance between the Western ego individualist dream and the Buddhist goal of dissolving the self, is met by self-efficacy. One emphasises becoming ‘somebody’, whilst the other emphasis becoming ‘nobody’. As forest monk Ajahn Chah taught, “To say there is a self is not true. To say there is no self is not true. Then what is true?” Children need a healthy balance between selfishness and selflessness.

Mindfulness has emerged incorporating Zen contemplative practices of breath-focus and focusing on body sensations, translating spiritual practices into contemporary ‘acceptance skills’. We may all benefit from the mental well-being effects of perceiving a wider perspective and developing ‘presence of mind’. This facilitates the open observation of phenomena rising and falling away as impermanent manifestations and false projections — serving to stimulate lucid seeing into ‘inner and outer worlds.’ Parenting requires resonance, the capacity to quietly absorb, echo and contain a child’s experience. The practice of loving-kindness cultivates serenity, inner peace, and connectedness, a force of love that counters disconnection, fear and loneliness. If you see a child, remember the light that shines within them is a sacred one; you can influence how it shines by either encouraging or discouraging it. 

Meditation leads to enhanced mindfulness, expanding the ability of consciousness of the self and moderating behaviour. As we become aware of our psychological process, the more we may attune to and process the unconscious mind. The practice of mindfulness incorporating reflexive awareness (being aware that we are aware) helps children to grow into spaciousness. When we allow that space to be open, yet also enclosed by boundaries, they have a safe environment in which to flourish. 

Children feel us and if we nurture love and earnestly seek to guide them to express their own peaceful and authentic voices, humanity’s future is positive. By promoting self-responsibility in cultivating the conditions of the mind and interfacing with the loving foundation of our being, we will advocate the antidote to fear: self-awareness, playfulness, self-compassion, mutual respect and confidence. Finally, we will provide harmony, embodiment and substance to what TNH taught, “To LOVE…is above all to be there.”